Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
