I like to think it a success when the cops are called
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
