I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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