and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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