I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
