Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
