i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
