This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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