The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Send us your Text From Last Night!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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