Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
