did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
