i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
