he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
