I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh god it's open bar.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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