I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
