all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Send us your Text From Last Night!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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