Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
