He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
