THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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