yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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