I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
