Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
