bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
