Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
