Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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