i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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