im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
