Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
