By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
