life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
