k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
