The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
handjob tips. give me some.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
