i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
