I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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