Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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