"it" just moved
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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