just tell him i said nine months
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
