imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
