im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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