I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
