you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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