Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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