sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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