saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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