Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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