She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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