If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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