they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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