we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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