We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
