ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird