Do you still have your period?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
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Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it