So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.