Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm not a mortal combat character

  (410): View more from Maryland

  but my vagina is

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  (860): I'm not a mortal combat character (410): but my vagina is http://tfl.nu/01am
  Replies (16) Good night (1421) Bad night (537)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

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  (610): my new favorite insult= "thundercunt" http://tfl.nu/7c82
  Replies (48) Good night (4181) Bad night (677)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.

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  (732): used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick (732): i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore. http://tfl.nu/4czg
  Replies (59) Good night (641) Bad night (2306)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick

  (972): View more from Texas

  please tell me you have proof of this

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  (405): the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick (972): please tell me you have proof of this http://tfl.nu/kwvu
  Replies (9) Good night (752) Bad night (4179)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

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  (440): i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe. (440): I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl http://tfl.nu/33bi
  Replies (25) Good night (6689) Bad night (697)
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  (714): View more from California

  I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?

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  (714): I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him? http://tfl.nu/ybyr
  Replies (18) Good night (3793) Bad night (1272)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions

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  (609): Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles? (1-609): In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions http://tfl.nu/67pw
  Replies (2) Good night (1836) Bad night (515)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?

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  (203): Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night? http://tfl.nu/3u1b
  Replies (5) Good night (1372) Bad night (594)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire

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  (810): I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire http://tfl.nu/lsgu
  Replies (7) Good night (2230) Bad night (604)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.

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  (401): He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate. http://tfl.nu/dyap
  Replies (1) Good night (771) Bad night (378)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver

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  (228): We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver http://tfl.nu/kd5u
  Replies (4) Good night (1644) Bad night (445)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.

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  (612): Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted. (218): And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face. http://tfl.nu/e0j5
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (303)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was

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  (815): Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was http://tfl.nu/efhi
  Replies (3) Good night (813) Bad night (281)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Where's your car?

  (989): View more from Michigan

  The girl I brought home apparently stole it

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  (989): Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station? (615): Where's your car? (989): The girl I brought home apparently stole it http://tfl.nu/7hzq
  Replies (6) Good night (467) Bad night (773)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.

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  (814): i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy. http://tfl.nu/h82b
  Replies (0) Good night (374) Bad night (222)

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