Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
