"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
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