just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
