you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
