Do you still have your period?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
