he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
