she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
