Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
