I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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