The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
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