sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
