so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
