I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Someone came in the potted fern
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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