woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
