Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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