its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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