what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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