It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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