im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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