I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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