if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
