the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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