I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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