morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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