id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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