Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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